For the Record...

The time: 12:49 am

The date: Sept. 15, 2011

As I sit here downloading music, I realize today would be the perfect day for a blog entry. Not only is it super late, but my sleepiness has escaped me and my excitement does not let the minutes go by fast enough. Hubs comes home tomorrow (more like today). Last time he was away, it was different. I flew home a week before he got here. I was busier running around cleaning and getting things ready for his arrival. He also arrived at 10 am. I woke up and got ready, returned the rental car and went straight to the terminal to wait for his arrival. This time the anticipation is KILLING me! 

It hasn’t been easy. I am happy I decided to be home this time around instead of flying back to CA. I had to at least try looking for work and for the first time know what it would be like to be alone. I had my good days. I had my bad days. Getting on a 12 week workout program definitely helped passed the time and get me out of my house for at least a couple of hours a day. Sunday dinners at a friend’s with their kids and meeting new friends definitely helped. We went from it being a 3 month deployment to it possibly being a 6 month deployment back to a 3 month. They pushed back the date once and that week felt like time had stayed still. Even now, I feel like daylight will never come. 

I’m excited. I’m nervous. I feel like I’m 15 again and meeting him for a date. The house is ready. I am ready. Although I am dreading the chaos that will overtake my house with laundry and luggage and another person inhabiting my clean home, I welcome it all. The house has been too quiet at night with a silence that the even tv could not drown out. I’ve been wanting to blog about these last 3 months, it’s been so hard for me to get around to it. Mostly because I was experiencing so many emotions. I haven’t found work and I am okwith it. I have come to terms with the fact that my family needs me home right now and I will probably never have the chance to just be here all the time after life happens and I get a full time job and/or start having kids. It was so hard for me to deal with the quiet of the house and the loudness of my thoughts. It was hard to not hear from him for days/weeks at a time (via text or phone or video chat) and the waiting to hear from him when we did have those avenues were also torture. There was no winning. 

I’m disappointed with how somethings worked out support wise but I got my support in other ways. Maybe it’ll be different at our next location but in the meantime I just want him home and our lives to get back to our routine. At first I counted the days, but that definitely didn’t help. I thought it wouldn’t affect me but it did. It made me more sad and made the time stand still. I’m glad I stopped. Then I began counting the days for him to come home once we had an idea and that was changed. So one of the lessons I’ve learned: DON’T COUNT THE DAYS! I’ve learned a lot about myself, about him and about what we still have to learn as a couple, as life-partners, and as members of this community and lifestyle. I think of all the things I still want us to do together before we leave here and before we start adding to our family. 

The summer was long. Some days were amazingly beautiful. I began a new hobby: working with plants. I have 3 orchids, 1 pot of calla lilies and a few pots of some other flowers that hang out in front of my house. These last few days have been OK but it definitely feels like fall has arrived in England. Time for layering with scarves and sweaters, boots and coats. An attire I am all too familiar with coming from SF. I’m excited for winter because this time, unlike the last two years, I’ll have my hunny bunny to snuggle with and keep me warm.